One Year

Grace on July 9th 2007 and July 9th 2008, the change is dramatic. I marvel at how much personality shows through her expression now.


One year ago today the Judge in Magadan made us the legal parents of Grace. I am sitting here at my computer trying to encapsulate the past year and I can't. If I am honest I can divide the year into fourths and share our first year that way.

The first quarter I spent a lot of time with wildly fluctuating emotions. I went from being thrilled that we finally had a daughter to thinking what have I done, I have wrecked my little family. And if I'm completely honest I spent more time thinking I wrecked the family and trying to figure out how to fix it that doing anything else. J had a hard time adjusting to his new sister and was a crying wreck some days. Grace was never a difficult kid, she was fairly easy going and happy, but I felt little connection to her, she wouldn't allow it. I didn't love like I loved the boys and it panicked me. I never thought we'd survive a year, I couldn't see that far ahead.

The second quarter. We settled into a routine and Grace started coming around. She would come up and hug us and she would tell us "too", for love you too. I was starting to feel more connected to her and the panicky feelings were less and less. I think sending the boys to school helped us all have more structure and Grace thrived with that. I also think time just helped us bond.

The third quarter. I finally felt like she was our daughter, when I looked at her my heart would melt. She would now throw her arms around our necks and hug us tight. There was just something in her that was so bonded and attached to us, that we finally knew that everything was going to be just fine.

The fourth quarter. Grace is now just one of our kids, she no longer feels new or adopted she just feels like ours. These last few months have been very peaceful and our family feels very happy and complete.

Grace's stats

At adoption she was 25.8 and she is now 28 pounds on the nose. (she was a rather chubby thing when we got her)

At adoption she was 31 inches tall and she is now 35 inches tall.

At adoption she wore 12-18 month clothes she now wears 2t, but the pants fall down, lol.

At adoption she wore a size 5w shoe and she now wears a size 6m

At adoption she rarely smiled and now you can't wipe the smile off her face

At adoption she didn't laugh when tickled, now she comes to you to be tickled saying ticky-ticky

At adoption she didn't know how to be carried, she hung like a sack of potatoes, now her legs and arms wrap around you, and she loves to be held and carried.

At adoption Grace didn't know what a family was or parents and brothers were, a year later she is an active member of our family with thoughts, feelings and opinions, we couldn't ask for a more perfect member.

A few pics from the last few days

Grace on the Fourth of July, what an American girl with her sparkler.


In the pool this afternoon, we're having great weather and she stands at the back door, saying go swim? All.The. Time!
On of the things I longed for and basically missed by adopting a 2 year old, was ruffles on the butt, but I found this suit and had to have it. How cute are those ruffles.
Running ruffles are even cuter than standing still ruffles.

3 three 3 three 3

Yes, it is true GRACE IS THREE!

Yesterday we celebrated Grace's third birthday. It was the first time that she had ever had a party or presents on her birthday, so we did it up big. We had four families an Grandparents join us for a "Rella" party. We had dinner which was centered on the theme of Shish-ka-bibbidy-bobbidy-boo's both meat and fruit. She played pin the slipper in Cinderella and had a piniata and a mountain of gifts that was emabarassing. Grace had a ball. She took on her role of Queen for day like she'd been born to it and frankly she's a bit sad that life isn't quite as good today.

I have to say in the almost year that we have had a Grace I've never been sad about her previous life until yesterday. I thought about what she had missed in herfirst two birthdays, and then I thought about the day of her birth. I tried to search my mind for some inkling of what we were doing on July 2, 2005. Frankly I think it was just an ordinary day for us, and it makes me cry to realize that, it was an amzingly special day, our daughtr was born, and we know nothing about that day. I realize I can't change the past, but I never thought that I would be sad about those things.

Anyway, on to the birthday, Grace tells everyon three now, so they know that she has aged up. she is loving all the toys and dress up that she recieved and I think I succeeded in giving her a great party, but not one that was soo overwhelming that she couldn't enjoy it.

Happy birthday Princess Pink!I tried to get a shot of her in her dress, this was the best of my efforts.
When Happy Birthday was being sung she had look of such happiness on her face the song was for her and she knew it.
She was opening gifts and got a pink crown and wears it all.the.time.
the piniata
Grace and Daddy in their "Fancy Nancy" dress up stuff, how approriate!

Scott giving his daughter her first flowers on her birthday, too sweet!
The "fab five" dressed for the party. Yes, I tried to coordinate the boys outfits with Grace's dress, I am a dork that way.
Grace with "some" of her gifts. To say it was obscene is an understatement.
I
The cake, it was too cute and she LOVED it!

Freedom

I have been trying for three days to get blogger to let me post pictures, finally today it worked. I'm not computer literate enough to figure out what the problem was, nor can I figure why this is being underlined, ugh.


This is where Grace spends as much time as possible, out in the sandbox or swinging or sliding, she loves the outdoors. (notice she is NOT in pink!!)
wearing a dress she has been waiting to wear (it's cold here people)
All dolled up for church. An aside, I have lusted after the Lily Pulitzer clothes for years, LUSTED. I can't/won't pay the outrageous prices for them either. We were walking through Costco one day and I spotted a bunch of her dresses, and for a screaming deal!!! I bought this and I LOVE it, she may wear it twice a week if I have my way.


Now onto my post. As we get closer to our one year anniversary I don't find myself thinking about what we were doing a year ago, I find my self thinking about Grace and what she was doing one year ago, what her life was like. The thing I can't get over, and frankly marvel at is how much freedom she has now.

I laugh because I put her to bed at night and tell her to stay in bed. I usually go back in a bit later and quite often she's up reading a book or playing with her animals. I love that she has realized she has the freedom to do that to make the choice to do that. It may be the wrong choice, but she got to make a choice.

That was a difficult thing for me to see in the baby home, the kids had no choices, pee now, eat now, drink now. It had nothing to do with they needed or wanted, it was all on a schedule that made the day easier for all. Intellectually I totally understand why they do things the way they do in the baby home (I'd crumble if had so many kids the same age and I'd do things the same way) but it still broke my heart to see a bunch of two year olds unable to choose anything.

When Grace first came home she couldn't make a choice and she didn't understand freedom. She did what we said and went where we put her, with very few arguments. For awhile I would ask if which drinking cup she wanted and she couldn't decide. Once she figured out that she could get what she wanted by making a decision she started making more of them. Now she can go outside when she wants, drinks when she wants, go to the bathroom when she needs to and can play or sing or dance when she wants to.

I love that she now has the freedom to make choices, both right and wrong ones, that is how she will learn to make all, oops mostly the right choices when she grows up

Attachment, EACAP and a pink dress, oh my

My new favorite photo of the Fab Five. The boys all look cute and Grace is giving me her I am the Princess look. I LOVE IT!




Attachment, it is the big scary idea that is thrown at all pre-adoptive parents as THE THING to watch out for (FAS too). We had had bio kids so we really knew nothing about attachment, I guess you just assume your kids are attached to you. When we were getting ready for Grace we talked about it and what steps we would take, yes we'd carry her a lot, no she wouldn't sleep in our beds, yes we'd limit her being held and fed by others, yes we'd revert back to diapers, you get the idea.

When Grace was here some of it worked for us, some didn't. We worried about her attachment a lot. Then a friendly blogger, hi Kristen!, commented that she thought people worried about attachment more than they needed to, and she got me thinking because she was right. What Grace needed was to be treated just like brothers, there is no better way to show a child that you love and care for them than to give them rules, responsibilities and boundaries. It worked, we could feel Grace attaching to us. We never worried again. Then we met with our social worker for our one year post placement report and she was quizzing us on Grace's attachment, I had trouble answering a few of the questions because Grace isn't in unfamiliar places or with groups she doesn't know. Not because we won't take her to those kinds of place we just haven't been lately. So I was wondering a little about her stranger danger ect, when we had to go to an Anniversary party for my Aunt and Uncle. It was in a big room full of people she didn't know and they all wanted to meet her (their church prayed for us during the process) Grace clung to our legs for dear life. Hello, attached! I was so secretly happy. By the end of the party she would talk to family but she would hide from strangers. I guess we were right she is attached (whew).

ECAP, is a thorn in my side, which is funny because I was none too pleased with EI either. Grace had her big testing session on Monday and I just was not impressed with them or their findings. First they bring Grace into a big room full of toys and then they have four women watch her play while I'm off in another room. After a few minutes they come in and they say they think they might qualify her based on busy behavior. I asked for clarification because well she isn't busy at home. They said she just went from toy to toy and didn't just settle down with one right away. She's two, it's a room full of toys she's never seen, doesn't seem odd to me. I tossed out a few examples of just how un busy she is and they said well if you feel this isn't an issue then we'll let it go. The kid will sit at the busiest Starbucks in Seattle with a coloring book for 50 minutes while we talk to the Social worker and behave so well strangers are complimenting her, she never left her seat, she plays full games of Candy land while sitting and focusing so don't tell me she's more busy than the average two year old. Then they took her for her cognitive test and informed me that had some serious concerns because she didn't know any of her letters. She is TWO, she has been here 11 months, I haven't given letters a though yet. I am a teacher and developmentally she has no need to know her letters. Well they insisted that cognitively she was very lacking and they might qualify her based on that. I'm thinking are you going to check her speech, that is why we are here. They finally decide that she barely qualifies based on her speech alone, but she does have articulation problems that warrant once a week therapy. Thank you, that is what I came here for. I have taught school and I have four other kids so I have a pretty good idea of normal, and well she is, except for speech. The kicker, her scores from the testing came today. Self help and life skill she scored at 4 years 2 months, cognitive 2 years 8 months, pre-reading 2 years 1 month. She is 2 years 11 months old and has been hearing the English language for 11 months, I think she's doing darn good!

The pink dress story. When we went to the Anniversary party Grace wore a pink dress that she has been wanting to wear for some time but weather has not permitted it. When she got dressed and her hair was done she knew she looked good, and she wanted a compliment from everyone. She went up to J. who we call Doodle and said, " look Doodle pink pretty" She said it four or five times and it was louder each time. Finally she screamed it at him, he was playing a game and completely ignored her. He finally acknowledged her by pushing her away and screaming "I know!" We were all laughing and I had to break the news to Grace that that was how Men would be responding to her for much of her life.

Long Time No Blog!

A rare sunny day and Grace's first time on the slip-n-slide, she LOVED it!


Grace at Gradma's park, she loves climbing and would hang from the bars while the wagon rocked



Not in jail, just climbing the step to get to the slide
All the kids riding this "train" that a grown up must crank, fun for them, not so much for us!

I was trying to think of some grand excuse as to why I haven't written in so long. Like we took a Cruise to the Greek Isles, but the reason isn't glamorous, it isn't that I've had nothing to say, lots has been happening so I've had plenty to share. It's just a lack of free time. From May 1-June 17th I have been and will be busy every day! I have two boys playing baseball on two different teams, the equals a game every night, plus some weekends. I have two kids birthday's to shop and plan for, Mother's and Father's day to deal with the end of pre-school, the end of grade school a big fundraiser to run and the end of school. Plus in there is daily life and some other big things I can't think of now, suffice it to say, BUSY!

All the kids are healthy and happy and fighting like cats and dogs, they are ready for school to.be.done! They are tired form baseball every night and ready to just hang out and play or stay in their jammies. We are counting down the days until the end of school, they are counting day, I'm counting the number of lunches I have to make.

Grace is doing very well, she's talking more and more and just being Grace. She just had her final evaluation from EI, since they pass her to the school district on her third birthday. She is doing so well that she won't qualify for the developmental pre-school next year (I was hoping she would, eve though we weren't going to send her, you can use not sending them as a bargaining chip to get more speech) she has been diagnosed with Apraxia officially. We are fine with the diagnosis and agree with it, we're just hopeful that the school district will work with us to give Grace what she need in regards to speech. They know in the school but not in the speech department, if I can't get what she needs they'll know about in the speech department too! We just had our one year post=placement meeting with the Social worker, she was amazed at Grace (duh) she was not a big fan of adopting from Russia as she had concerns about the kids medical status, Grace has totally changed her opinion, she now recommends our agency and Russia, YAY!

Hopefully the weather in the NW will improve and I'll get some more pictures of grace outside to share, but in the meantime here are some from the past few weeks.