Fellow bloggers, I need help again....

I am many things, but technical is NOT one of them. When it comes to the computer I am good with emails and outstanding at shopping online. My expertise, ends there (as should be obvious by my simple looking blog). I read all these blogs and I love them and I would love to add their links, but I have no clue how. Brandie has a clock so people know what time it in Magadan, I want one too, but how do I do that?

Now I know you're probably all thinking what about her hubby. S, is fantastic an he's smart as a whip and technical to boot, and frankly if I asked him to help he would, but he teases me about most everything and likes to point his superior intelligence on occasion, so this I'd like to attempt myself. If you know how to do these things, and you think it's pretty simple, leave me a comment with a link to how to, or simple instructions. I would really appreciate it and my blog would too.

On another note, we went to see Meet The Robinson's today and the main theme was on adoption. I cried at the end, because it was well done. My two oldest boys even picked up on the adoption theme and understood it, so YAY. Go see it.

Fellow bloggers, I need haelp again....

I am many things, but technical is NOT one of them. When it comes to the computer I am good with emails and outstanding at shopping online. My expertise, ends there (as should be obvious by my simple looking blog). I read all these blogs and I love them and I would love to add their links, but I have no clue how. Brandie has a clock so people know what time it in Magadan, I want one too, but how do I do that?

Now I know you're probably all thinking what about her hubby. S, is fantastic an he's smart as a whip and technical to boot, and frankly if I asked him to help he would, but he teases me about most everything and likes to point his superior intelligence on occasion, so this I'd like to attempt myself. If you know how to do these things, and you think it's pretty simple, leave me a comment with a link to how to, or simple instructions. I would really appreciate it and my blog would too.

On another note, we went to see Meet The Robinson's today and the main theme was on adoption. I cried at the end, because it was well done. My two oldest boys even picked up on the adoption theme and understood it, so YAY. Go see it.

And Forward Progress, finally

We finally received our original referral, about 10 days later than we had planned. Those 10 days did help me to calm down a little about this whole process, I wasn't a raving freak ALL the time. When we finally got the referral I was a bit conflicted, I mean here was my chance for a beautiful little girl, and I'm saying No?? I felt a little crazy, but we did manage to write a letter declining the referral. The letter was deemed very respectful and is now in Russia, hopefully being delivered to the MOE. I'm crossing my fingers that there will be a female under available in the near future. When we started this whole adoption I knew I having many emotions going on, but I didn't realize that fear would be the driving one. I'm tired of being afraid, so my goal for the week is peace. I will attain peace that "all will be well". I'm thinking that my Mantra will be "Serenity Now!" ala George from Seinfeld.

Picture from Today

This is the four boys just before we left for B's First Communion. When we got home shirts were untucked, pants had ink on them and faces were dirty. But I have photographic evidence that they started out looking good!

We survived the weekend!!!!

What do you get when you have visiting parents, plus out of town friends over for dinner, three sick kids and a sick husband, two soccer games in biblical rain, one First Communion and two sleepless nights???? If you guessed a stressed out and frazzled Nancy you are the winner!!! We survived all the above and I'm still breathing and speaking to all member of my family so the weekend can be considered a sauces.

Not ,much on the adoption front, we should get the referral we are declining tomorrow, so we can now move on. I do believe it's patience I'm learning. My fortune tonight was, " you will receive a pleasant surprise". I like that one and I liked the last one from this restaurant too, so I told S we would be eating Chinese food there until we get Princess Pink.

I meant to respond to comments but I am struggling to find time to blog at all lately (see first paragraph). Thank you to all my strangerfriends who said they would miss me at chat, I'm in total with drawl from missing all the news last week and I can't wait until Thursday!

Susan- I can't believe that you are a PLU alum, my Uncle is a prof there, my Mom went there, and two of my cousins went there. It was one of my top three schools too, small world.

Christen, we are with AIA and are VERY happy. They are what we were looking for in an agency. IF you are interested look them up and get the website, anyone can register and come to chat to learn more.

I hope everyone has a great week and that everyone receives some good news!

Stragerfriends

We have an awesome agency, every Thursday they have an agency chat time. I plan my week around this hour and my family knows not to mess with me then (my kids have soccer practice that ends during chat, so I duck out early and lave S to deal wih getting them home and fed). Chat is wonderful, there are adoptive parents, pre-adoptive parents like me, and those looking for info. The Director of our agency usually makes an apperance too. This hour is THE MOST SUPPORTIVE HOUR you will ever find. I always come away hyped up about our adoption and the others that are taking place at our agency. Last week when we were so conflicted about our first referral, the first time I felt any measure of peace about saying no came during chat when the wonderful people there supported our thoughts, they are awesome.

I start wondering who might have gotten a referal or court date hours before chat starts, and I plan question I can ask those who have been there done that. You might wonder why I am going about this, I have to miss chat tonight and I am in withdrawls already. I might miss a big announcement and how will I know about it. My oldest child is going through First Communion and we Lutheran's have a traditon of having a Passover dinner the Thursday before the actual First Communion. So S, B and I will be feasting on Lamb and barley, instead of chat. (You'll find us at Mickey D's drive through shortly thereafter.)

Strangerfriends from my agency, I'll miss you tonight...."see" you next week.

The Best Laid Plans and Patience

So I had my whole adoption week planned out, you think I'd know by now what a crazy move that is. We would decline the referral on Monday and by some miracle we would receive the perfect referral by Friday. HA!!! I just got an email from our agency director, our contact in Magadan is out of town for the week with an emergency. This means we'll receive the referral we're planning to decline next Monday and who knows when we'll actually get another referral. God is trying to teach me patience, but I'm fighting him every step of the way!

Just so you don't think I'm totally callous, we're are praying that the emergency is easily resolved and not serious. We would rather everything work out there than us get a referral.

"What's so Amazing about Grace?"

that was the title of the Sermon at Church this morning. A few days ago that title would have made me cry and sent me into fresh waves of uncertainty, today it made me smile. After a week of little sleep and lots of tears we have decided to decline the referral. I wavered like the line on the earthquake monitor, never sure what was the right thing to do. But Scott pointed out that we had a long talk, long before this process started and we decided what the criteria were for our future child. There weren't many but the big one was age, we did not want to "artificially twin" J. We would have been saying yes to the referral out of fear of not getting another, not because we felt it was the right thing.

I couldn't figure out what God was trying to teach/tell me but I finally figured out that his message is patience. We started our Adoption January 15th and received our first referral; on March 12, that's very fast. And let me tell you, I was all about the speed, lets get this going lets get her home! But it isn't about fast, it's about finding the daughter that will complete our family, this is a lifelong decision, so I shouldn't be in a hurry, I should wait for what is right. I am not a patient person about these kinds of things, and I've kind of gone a bit manic about this adoption (S might say more than a bit), but I am working on patience and waiting what's right. And by the Grace of God we'll know, that is what is so amazing about Grace for me today.

Well, Susan was right

She said we would get a referral the second week of March and we are about to. But there is a problem and I'm not sure what to do about it. We asked for a girl under two, because we currently have a 2.5 year old. Our referral is for a girl one month younger than J. Both S and I felt strongly that we wanted to maintain birth order and not virtual twin, before we turned in our paper work. Now I don't know what to do. Tomorrow in my email will be a picture of a girl who needs a family, how am I supposed to say No to her?? But in my heart I have always felt that it would wrong to do this to J and in turn wrong for the girl. Fellow bloggers, what are your thoughts and experiences? Help me! I thought that it would be clear, and frankly I never thought we'd turn down a referral, but the age thing really has me troubled. I want all of my kids to have their own grade in school, and ugh, I don't know. I know that once I see the picture I'm dead, but Scott feels pretty strongly that we not do this.

I realize that this is a most jumbled post, but since I'm jumbled it stands to reason. Bloggy friends, help!

My hands are a little shaky

I got an email from our agency Director today, she said we can expect to hear something from the MOE by the end of the week! While I thought I was prepared, I'm a bit scared. I'm not sure exactly what I'm afraid of, I mean there is a list a mile long of things that I'm scared about for the whole process, but I can't pin point what is freaking me out about hearing about a referral. Maybe I'm feeling amplified excitement. Maybe I'm in shock that we could hear anything this week, because I thought the Director was out so I was thinking next week. I think a lot of what I'm feeling is fear about leaving my boys. I've known all along that I would need to fly on several planes a great distance and not see them for a week, but as it gets closer I freak. I have nights where I lay in bed and think about quitting the process, just because I'm scared to leave my kids. I then wake up with moments of total excitement about going to Russia. I'm going to find a couple of xanax, although I have no clue where you find these things, and see if that will get me through.

Don't be confused, I am very excited about the possibility of finding out who our princess pink might be, but there are so many other emotions that go along with it, that I can't seem to sort them all out.

forget retail therapy

I'm now into baking therapy! I'm not sure which is worse!!! With one my credit card hurts, with the other my waist line expands. A smart person would exercise to relive stress, but not me, I grow and Princess Pink's wardrobe grows.

Since it is Sunday and not one thing could possibly happen with my adoption, I'm obsessively checking Susan and Wayne's blog, since they had court today and had the hardest judge. I know everything is fine, but I need written confirmation, so Susan and Wayne, post soon.

Not much else going on but a whole lot of waiting.