Childhood Speech Apraxia

That is the diagnosis they have pinned on Grace. I had an entry all planned out about Grace's speech and how much she had been improving lately and how thrilled we were. I was also going to mention that whenever she made a great stride in language we were treated to a few days of horrid behavior as she made her developmental leap. I was also going to mention that although I had once longed for a label to explain why she wasn't talking like I thought she should be, I was okay with it because she was making such progress and I was confident that she would be caught up in a year or so.

Now, she has the label I once longed for and I have a deep sadness. When I read about CAS, as it called by those in the know, the picture isn't always that grand, it can mean that Grace will always struggle with language based activities, like reading and writing. My heart breaks with the strong possibility that she will struggle in school. Partly because she is one sharp cookie and I would hate to see anything dampen her spark, and partly because reading is one of my great passions in life and the thought that she may not love it like I do ( and the brothers that can read do) is really heartbreaking.

I am also struggling because yesterday we had an academic plan in place that I was quite comfortable with, today I don't know for sure what to do or what is best for her.

As a teacher I have always hated labels on kids, I've always felt like it limited them, and I avoided labels as often as I could. When I was dying to have a label for Grace's speech delay Scott was laughing at me, he couldn't figure out why I needed that so badly. I thought that if I had a label that there would be some mythical exact plan in place to FIX the problem. HA, turns out I am much happier without the label, we'll still be doing all the same things for Grace that we currently are, but now I have this looming concern for the future that wasn't there yesterday.

I'm just going to try and concentrate on how I felt yesterday, Grace will talk and she will be fine, and we will do all that we can to help her get to the top of her potential in life, just like we do for her brothers.

But just for today I am sad, so I'll go eat some cookies!

A year ago today.....

I woke up and got four kids ready for the day. I dropped two off at the bus and one off at pre-school and then I took the last one with me to Bible Study. I didn't tell anyone that the day held the promise of being a very special day. I just sat and prayed for peace. When Bible Study was over I had to wait 30 minutes before I could pick up boy #3 from pre-school, I doubt anyone knew how anxious I was to get home. After we left pre-school I must have driven the 20 minutes home like a mad woman, but I can't recall that part of the day at all. Once home I had to feed the two boys lunch in a hurry, we had to be at the elementary school for a play and we were meeting Daddy. I got the boys all settled and raced to the computer. There sitting in my in box was a line that said RE:referral. My heart stopped and I was honestly a bit afraid to open the email. When I did, I was greeted with this


Truth be told I'd seen this face many times, as I been perusing the data bank wondering who would be our little girl, and from day one I knew that this one would be ours. A year later she is ours, ours in ways we could never have imagined. She has worked her way into the fabric of our hearts and family as though she has been here always. We love her more than I might have thought possible (I thought it might take a year or more for her to feel like ours). Today Grace is one of the gang, she fits us like a glove, and we are so blessed that she is part of our family. I look at the picture we received a year ago and I don't recognize that girl, I didn't know her. But when I look at her eyes I see a familiar sparkle and hint of her piss and vinegar and then I see our girl.

Today I woke up and this is what I saw

Grace, we are so happy that we listened to our hearts and went to get you, our family is richer because you joined it.

Happy Easter

Grace making a purple egg, before dipping her fingers in to taste the dye
the five
the five
oops thought I turned this onw. The tantrum after being denied unlimited access to candy in her eggs
The beautiful (in my opinion) and sassy Grace. She did charm all she saw Church.



Last Easter happened two days after we got our referral for Grace (remember Easter is a roving holiday) I remember reading Tonya's post and seeing the pictures of the adorable Lyra's first Easter and the story of Lyra wearing the green dress Tonya bought after waiting so long to be able to buy. I also remember crying when I looked at the picture's of Lyra. Was I soo looking forward to today, I'm not sure, but cry I did.

Jump to this Easter, I have darling dress for a very cute girl and the boys all have these very handsome shirts to wear. We were going to visit my parents in Eugene so they could show off their Grand kids in all their finery (and supposedly their best behavior too). But if you backtrack to Thursday when Scott called from work to say he didn't feel well and was coming home, you can see where my wonderful, perfect Easter started to fall apart. Scott never stays home from work, but even less than never, does he leave early, so I should not have assumed that he was run down and just wanted extra rest before leaving for the weekend. Scott went to bed at 11:30 Friday morning and got up today at noon to pretend to eat dinner with us. We did not go to Eugene, the kids did sob about this fact. So I tried to make it a great Easter. I failed.

Scott is sleeping, but not well. I tried the couch and is just wasn't working so I went back to our bed (where I swear I should have been wearing a mask to save me from his germs) Scott is tossing and coughing and generally keeping me awake. I am now very tired, and cranky that my plans are falling apart. Staying in town meant taking the boys to all the sports practices that they were going to miss, that all overlapped time wise. So in three hours on Saturday I had J and Grace in and out of the car seat 8 times. Did I mention they are both still in 5 point harness seats. On Thursday night I had one piano lesson, one soccer practice and an HOA meeting, in 3 hours, and it rained. God bless baseball, at least they cancel that when it rains, not so much soccer. I forgot to mention, the kids didn't have school Friday, so they were home, ALL DAY.

Saturday afternoon I decide that Easter must go on so we dyed eggs. Who decided that you dye eggs the day before Easter, the kids get the dye on their hands, and it is still there on Sunday. Yes I bathed them Saturday night. Grace got the dye on her hands because she would dip them in the dye and lick them, which is better than the toilet, which she has also been known to do. Last night at 10 Scott asks for saltines and 7-up, which we don't have in the house. So I run to Walmart, it's the closest big store, because I'm feeling bad about Easter sucking I decide to add to the baskets and get more plastic eggs. 100 bucks later I go home. It's now 11:15 and I'm stuffing eggs, and exhausted, and frankly pissed off at Scott. He has a habit of getting sick at holidays. When I went to bed all I could pray for patience to get through today.

I didn't so much get them. You see holidays with sugar make boys very hyper, even when you haven't let them have any of the sugar yet. Getting ready for church involved yelling, and threats. Church went well. Dinner after, not so much. Grace was removed from the table and put to bed ( she was not happy that she wasn't allowed to just sit and eat the candy out of her eggs at will she would not let it go), the boys ate literally nothing.

Best part of the day, watching Enchanted with Grace snuggled up on my lap, she hates movies and isn't normally one to sit on people for 2 hours, 20 minutes sure, but 2 hours. At one point I had my feet resting a pillow that was on the coffee table, Grace climbed down and put a pillow on my legs and layed with her feet out a pillow too. When I remember that the day doesn't seem so bad.

(I know te been so much worse but exhaustion does lead you to believe the your situation is the worst one, in.the.world!)

Happy St. Patrick's Day, I managed to get every family member in green, no easy feet. I said to Scott that since we're Danish/Russian we should protest this holiday and wear red, as you can see, I lost. (I know Grace is in mint, but all her real green was too springy for our crappy weather)
Testing a new hair style, Daddy is on the fence, I think it's cute. What do you think?
More new hair
Grace vs. Milkshake, milkshake wins. I could hear the noise that sounds like blowing, but can also be the slurping at then end of the shake, that's what I thought I heard, I was wrong.
Two cuties in pink before church. A, was not too thrilled to match his sister, she's a GIRL you know.

Motherhood.......by Grace

Hi Baby, want to lay down so I can feed you?
How about some grapes? I know you don't have teeth yet, but it's the best I can do.
Oh, you were thirsty, well too bad , I'm thirsty too!
Okay, okay, I'll give you some juicy.
How about we finish off with a story
I used to watch her with her dolls and wonder if she was mirroring our parenting. When she was hugging them and kissing them I was quite confident she was getting her nurturing side from me. When she started throwing them across the room, I did blame Scott. Now I realize it's all random, and I just watch and wonder.

A Friday Potporri post and pictures

Grace's new bed


The hand and foot prints we had done in January are finshed and hanging on her wall


Grace's Baptism cross from Grandma and Grandpa


Grace's face when she first saw her bed all set up


sitting on the bed, she would not smile at Daddy, just hide behind her hands, the stinker.

This post will just be a little of this and a little of that and then some pictures tossed in at the end.

Yesterday was a big day at our house, Grace's new big girl bed finally came!! We waited with anticipation all day for the delivery guys to get here. Grace seemed very excited and kept saying new bed, new bed. Sadly when it was time for bed, Mommy wasn't home, she was at sewing class, so she had to miss the big moment. Scott put her to bed and she went to sleep end of story. And it really was just that easy. The hard part was later, when she fell out of bed, at 3:30 in the morning. Yes, I've heard of bed rails and we have one, but it is 9 years old and doesn't fit her pillow top mattress. We didn't find that out until bed bedtime so Daddy said she'd be fine and went on with his night. Until 3:30 am when she fell out with a big thump and then a wail. Scott just called to say her bought her a new bed rail on his lunch hour, and I said well I'm sitting here worried she'll fall out of bed during her nap. He claims all I need to do is listen for the thump and wail, and if I don't hear it all is well. He's right, but he's such a man about it.

Grace is still obsessed with her Crocs, and tries to wear them every day. We were going out to run some errands today and there was much wailing about not being ale to wear the Crocs. I know I could just choose my battles and let her wear them, but I've chosen my battle and my kids looking good and matched appropriately is the one I've selected. I also fight the boys to have their hair comber, with water before school. they have fallen like a house of cards and just do it now, maybe I can be so lucky with Grace.

She is talking more and more every day, I don't think it has thing to do with the speech lady, but I'll take it. Scott has no clue what she wants or needs most of the time, but I get it, drives him a bit nuts.

A girl and her shoes

Grace has many pairs of shoes. Scott often laments the fact that she has more pairs than he does, and possibly more pairs than all the boys put together. What can I say, I like shoes and I buy them for Grace. She NEEDS to have them to match her outfits.

I bough her a pair of Crocs last weekend, I don't really care for the look of Crocs, but I will admit on her tiny chubbers, they are adorable. I bought these for the ease of her getting them on. We go to the bus stop three times a day, five times a week. Grace can put these on by herself everytime, you do the math.

When I gave Grace the Crocs she was so happy and went on and on about her shoes. The only words that are clear in the talking are Mommy look shoes, but that's all I needed to know. She wear the shoes All. The. Time! With her jammies, as in over the footie part, when she strips down to the nude, she puts them back on. Grace always.wear.these.shoes.

Cut to Friday, she is wearing a cute little skirt outfit, that did not go with Crocs. There was much screaming and tossing of oneself onto the floor, dare I say the biggest tantrum we've ever had out of the girl. Because Mommy said she couldn't wear those shoes.

If there was ever any doubt that she is my child, it ended right there!

(I know she isn't wearing a helmet, our local Hospital only fits them for the kids once a month and we can't go for another week, I promise she's hardly moving on the scooter and trike)