Okay folks, it's not like I'm a first time Mom, I'm seasoned, but holy heck, THIS IS HARD!!!!!! I don't think I entered this adoption with very many preconceived notions of how it would all be, but I didn't imagine it would be this hard. Funny story when we had our first son I felt the exact same way, so I know it passes, but sheesh.
First, this girl does not sleep. Two times during the trip she went 24 hours with only a two hour nap. We got home and she still doesn't sleep much. The 2 hour nap is great, but there is a period at night where she is just awake and wanting to get up and play. (not gonna happen girly) Scott has to work so I'm the one up. He called Tuesday Morning and asked how things were. I informed him that if this child did not start to sleep soon, she was going back to Russia!! He laughed and said it would get better, easy for him to say, he's sleeping.
I read on Anne-Marie's blog about the Czar's eating habits. Frankly, I am raising his Czarina twin, because she will eat the same things he will. So far she has eaten the following, everything else gets spit out, so freaking lady like. Cream of Wheat, scrambled eggs, yogurt, mac-n-cheese, cheerios and Gerber graduates stew. I made scalloped potatoes and ham. I think she ate ham with us once in Russia and well potatoes, isn't that a Russian staple? Didn't get past her lips. I keep reading about banana cravings, not here. No fruit will be allowed in thank you. Meat, not gonna happen people. I'm not worried, because well she's got some good chub going so missing few meals isn't going to kill her. (I'm a Mom to 4 VERY skinny boys, I've learned to let it go)
Diapers, we are going through them. They are gross, watery and somewhat explosive. I now have to collect stool samples, enough said.
Despite all the above she is a darling girl and we are happy to have her in our family. But now I'm going to tell the real truth. Don't slam me, this is my blog and my life and I'm telling it like is here. It is hard, I feel like a caretaker. It makes me cry to even write that, but it's true. It's hard to feel attached and bonded to someone who doesn't feel it for you. It gets better each day and I'm totally confidant that she will attach to us, but it just feels funny to not be as attached to her as we are to the boys. Grace wants to be held, but only for two seconds then she wants down. She gives great eye contact and is now coming to us if she's hurt, so we do see progress. I guess I thought I'd be over the moon in love, but what I feel is the protective love, not the same deep love I have for the boys. I told Scott I just feel like I don't know her and getting to know her takes time. I now see that the 10 day waiting period is a good thing, it would have given us a chance to know each other better instead of throwing us together and onto a plane.
When I look at my girl and all she has gone through and the fact that she gets up with a smile on her face each day, I think this is someone who can accomplish anything. What a treat it will be for us to watch her do that.
I am a blog dodo and I have no clue how to turn the picture so turn your head instead, sorry.
5 comments:
You are doing great!!
Love comes in all shapes and sizes and both you and Grace have much to give.
Remember love is a unique gift, you can give love in anyway you see fit, but you must be able to accept love from others in the unique way they give it,
for "how" they are able to love you shouldn't be focus ..... even if it's not the way you expect or want it to be... Just that they do.
Grace loves you very much and she is going to show it differently than the boys. She has been loved differently than the boys. I know you know this and I know your heart if big enough to find the love she needs.
But don't forget to go easy on yourself in this process. :)
Hi Nancy,
So many of us that are home can relate to what you are feeling, the good news is each month seems to get better. We have been home now 7 months and what an amazing difference. I've been told that it usually takes up to 1 year for everything to come together for us and our precious children.I had done lots of research, have 3 sons and wow this was one of the toughest experiences of my motherhood. Keep the faith,prayers to you, I hope and pray you get some rest too:)(((HUGS))) Grace is so beautiful!
You'll make it through these first few weeks and things will be much better soon. I promise:)
Lyra didn't eat anything but snacky type foods for a while, but now she eats just about anything. As for sleeping, give her a shot fo benadryl before bed every night for a week and see if that straightens her out. She may just need to readjust her internal time clock.
And for the love thing, don't worry about that either. You are tired and feeling the long exhausting process of getting her home. She really will feel as familiar to you as your boys do soon:):):)
she's darling!
Hugs!
She is so cute and great job!!! :) I can only imagine the work it takes....
Welcome home! Grace is absolutely beautiful:) I hope she starts to sleep for you, sleep deprivation is the worst.
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